The Northern Perspective

As you all have heard, and have moved on from, the south had quite the weather event a few weeks ago. While you may think I'm late to game, or you're tired of hearing about it already (you deal with this all the time, right?), we just arrived home from our two week annual family leave...in Texas.

It changed me.

It changed us.

I found myself embarrassed to be from a region of many who mocked, scolded, laughed, and made jokes of the Texans who they claimed "were not prepared". These statements coming from people who had being prepared for winter engrained into their souls from birth along with all the proper tools to do so. They view it as a little cold spell, not the deep freeze that lasted incredibly longer than anticipated.

It truly was the 100 yr storm.  If you really think about that, you will realize most Texans have not experienced this weather in their lifetime. Never. They have never drove in it. They have never had to worry about pipes freezing. They have never had to have our idea of heavy coats, 4 wheel drive vehicles, alternative heat sources. Their infrastructure is not set up for those single digit temps with negative wind chills. That is not their fault. When they were told to prepare, they did so-from their previous experience with storms-and bought maybe a couple extra bottles of water and some snacks.

***

We left on the 12th in the later afternoon, staying on the Indiana / Illinois border. We woke up to no water at that hotel, and were on the road by 6am. As the day progressed and the weather reports came out, I stopped at a Kroger's and bought a few days worth of groceries, bottled water, and Gatorade. I don't ever buy Gatorade, I must have been nervous! The temps dropped with every mile south we drove, it seemed, and our groceries kept perfectly in the bed of the truck. I had already thrown in a few extra throw blankets. I never let the fuel gauge go below a half of a tank. As we neared our next planned stop in Texarkana, I struggled with deciding whether to drive the rest of it through or stopping. Freezing rain was expected to start overnight, and getting as far as we could seemed to be a better idea. However the friends I text and 6 people lacking showers made me choose to stop. We cleaned up, ate supper, took a nap. We were on the road at 3:15am. Love those farm kids!

We should not have stopped. Two hours in we had to lock in the hubs, and the rest of the day was no more than 40 mph, most of it between 25mph and 30mph. On a sheet of ice. I know that is a phrase around here, but literally, everything was covered in ice. There was no grabbing the dirt on the shoulder of the road or getting to that next dry patch. There is no following the road commission truck after they scrape and salt. Heck, there are no road commission trucks. It took us 14.5 hrs. to do a 6.5 hr. trip. One wrong jerky movement and we would have spun out, game over. No pressure, right? I was prepared. As long as we weren't smashed in between semi's we would be fine. I'm not exaggerating when I say I prayed out loud (and not the yelling type 😉) and after being just behind of, or just ahead of multiple pile ups, it's by nothing but the grace of God that we made it. 

I kept going because it was just going to get worse as time went on (and it did). I would rather be hunkered down at our location than in a hotel room in Arkansas, paying for both accommodations. 

The storm was predicted to last into that Monday, then by Tuesday it would be better. Wrong.

Overnight Sunday snow moved into the area. Our building alarm went off early that morning, pipes broke on the 2nd floor. We were on the 4th floor. This was just the beginning of it.

The night before I had opened all the faucets in our unit and let them drip. As they began to rotate power, we had somewhat of a routine. Power on-charge devices, shower, run laundry, fill bathtubs with water to flush the toilets. Fill pots and pans with water on the stove. Do as much school work as we could, cook food for the next meal, open all the bedroom doors to let the unit warm up. Power off-shut bedroom door and put towels down to stop the draft getting to the interior pipes. Read, write in journals, when the weather permitted (after a few days), go for walks.

A few more systems went through dropping an additional 6 inches of snow on top of all this.

It was yet another great learning opportunity for the kids. At home we have a 48kw generator and well water. They would not necessarily know how to operate if they didn't have this opportunity and training. They would have continued to take for granted what they (we northerners) know about how to prepare for winter storms. They would have missed the opportunity to see that sometimes God uses what one considers to be everyday habits and common knowledge to help other people.  Even as things got better, we had a great conversation on why we had to boil the water and brain eating amoebas.

Here's a few snapshots of conversations I had with close friends as they checked in helped me monitor the situation.

Here's the good stuff. We were able to help people, and they felt like they could ask. We laughed as we crammed 8 people into the truck to go to the store. We teared up a bit as they offered us what groceries they had left when their stay was done. The boys volunteered to bag groceries at the store when they had only two employees show up. The helped unload generators, carry elderly people's items across the icy ground. The younger kids hauled coolers of snow up 4 outdoor flights of stairs so we had water to flush. They were reminded of the good ol' days without internet. While they were sheltered still from the realities that people died, that people STILL don't have water, that people were burning furniture and using up all their gas staying warm in their cars...not knowing the trucks weren't coming to replenish it for while, they got a taste of what to be grateful for and coming together as a community, even if just for a little bit.

On Friday the 19th they moved us to a different unit that had water. We had to boil it, but that wasn't an inconvenience after going without completely for almost 4 days. We were able to salvage vacation some as the weather got nicer. We went to the rodeo, the Lyndon B Johnson historical site and ranch, the Natural Bridge Caverns, Faust Bridge, and a few of our favorite local spots. 

Another trip for the record books. 

What is not challenging for us, is very challenging for others. Instead of poking fun at them we can share what we know to help. I'm sure at some point we will all get a chance at being on both sides.

Back to work. 

Performance Pressure

There is so much performance pressure in life now that even how we spend our time off is causing anxiety. At least for me.

 

“Live in the moment”

“You don’t get this moment back”

“You only live once”

“Make the best of every moment”

“Your kids don’t get any younger”

“You don’t get a second chance”

We now have a check list of the relaxing, stress relieving things that we need to accomplish on our days off, causing more stress. Really?

 Coffee in the quiet. ✔

Run in the sunrise (crap, missed that because I was having coffee)

Sleep (how am I supposed to sleep if I am supposed to catch the sunrise?)

 

Catch up on personal projects (relaxing?)

Catch up with a good friend (but wait, I’m supposed to be spending time with the kids. I don’t get those moments back….)

I really struggle with this. I am literally torn between enjoying my coffee in the quiet, reading my devotions, thinking, or having a just a few cups and getting that morning run in, or sleeping.  My time off is so limited that I feel like if I don’t get it  just right I’ve wasted the day.

This is ridiculous. And how in the world did we get this way?

This morning I choose the coffee route. I read more than usual. I sat there longer than I should have. #1 came in from chores, the rest got up. We all sat in various spots in the kitchen. At a quarter till 8 I voiced how we should “get going”, how “we’re late getting started",  and “what should we do first?”  Along with, “I wonder what other people do on their day off.” With very loud laughter that defines my house, #1 said “They’re still sleeping!” and mimicking our former FSA officer, #2 said “this is NOT normal!” LOL. Love these kids.

Honestly….there are a few times when I just don’t tell people if I’m not being productive. If I just sat there and did nothing.  It’s not very often (oh look, back on defense) but even then I don’t want to subject myself to the judgment of the world of whether I am using my time appropriately, making the best use of every moment that we don’t get back.

It’s true-we don’t know if we get a “tomorrow”.  But worrying about that in itself is really wrecking today.

I don’t have the answer. I have a love / hate relationship with social media where we see how others are spending their time “off”, and subconsciously comparing ourselves to that. Automatically, without even realizing it. Maybe it’s less social media…somehow. But not until I share this on social media.

It’s now almost 9am. I’ve got coffee in and an impromptu blog post. That’s it. On the schedule for the day is our normal Saturday house chores, hopefully some bale moving and wrapping, and a few other odds and ends off the farm list. Better get going! I got to make sure I leave time for that check list above…

 

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Psalm 5:3

 

The Truth....About Vacation.

Ha Ha Ha.....

A continuing frustration about a trip with the kids is other's expectations. They want to hear and imagine this fairy tale break from the farm where everyone is smiling and rested and laughing together, where I get "time to myself" (?).

In reality, kids still fight. You just can't discipline them quite the same (or as loudly), they still get sick, they still misbehave, they still want to eat. Not just the normal but EXTRA because it's "vacation". There is still laundry, dishes, food prep, activity planning, school work (for all). Everybody goes everywhere. Together. Groceries, everything. No, the older boys were not intended for watching the youngers. One does not simply leave kids in a condo unattended in a different state. Your phone goes exceptionally quiet because for some reason people think you want uninterrupted time with the kids and zero adult conversation what so ever. Because we don't spend every day together at home......

Why? Why...if it's so exhausting, somewhat expensive (relatively speaking, we do good here), stressful, etc.?

Because to be truly off you have to be absent. Physically not available.  Because I believe, while book learning is important, what they learn on these trips cannot be taught through books. It has to experienced. Because I have to have a break, if only for a few weeks. It's more like a "pause", the list will still be there. However if I'm not at home, I can't work on it. Because people don't understand that even if you're "off" at home, your mind is still working. You're only "off" if everyone shows up and there is not an emergency.

Was it exhausting? Yes.
Was it worth it? Yes.
Will I do it again? Yes.

Check out this post to learn how we organize and afford our yearly adventure. The Trip by the Numbers

A few things I did differently:

I wonder which unit is ours......

Nothing is more frustrating to color-coded kids than 5 white towels. I brought the colored cups as well. A lot less laundry and dishes to wash!

This year our per person / per day cost was $27.00. Slightly higher than last year, even with lower fuel costs, due to a few great activity ideas of my own.

A few places we experienced:
CrossPointe Community Church
Waldo-Way Dairy
Southwest Dairy Center
Waco / Magnolia
Planetarium
Waterpark
Valvoline Instant Oil Change. (No joke. They thought this was "the best thing ever"!)
Liberty Hall (Tracy Byrd)
Texas Freshwater Fisheries
Texas Small Farmers & Ranchers (Triple B Ranch)
Tyler State Park
Fort Worth Stockyards (including Cow Coliseum)
Canton Trading Days
Gator & Friends wild animal park

As I said in previous vacation posts, I don't share all this to boast or brag that we got away, but hopefully to help you take the leap to spend time with your family.  Yes, you have to take time off of work....I have to PAY people to do the work that the boys and I do at home.  If you have vacation time available, use some of it for fun-not just for doctor appointments and such. Just....Go.  After you save up the funds, of course!

A Summer Recap

While vacation is well within our past, Summer is almost behind us as well.  The farm has ticked along as it should with a few hiccups here and there. 

We went into calving season with Carhartts on until April 15th (the last snow) but successfully calved out 150 cows pretty quickly.  We are currently milking 146.

A goal of mine this year was to take first cutting off the pasture first in May, in order to gain a higher quality feed and quicker regrowth on the pasture. We pulled this off and I am happy with the results!  We also have an excellent crop of alfalfa coming up, in which we harvested a cover crop of oatlage off of.  Given it was the third time we seeded that piece of ground, we are exceptionally grateful to see it flourish.

Breeding season is coming to an end and we were once again blessed to have access to some breeding bulls of the highest quality for rotational grazing.  I am excited to add the A2 genetics into our herd over the long haul, possibly opening up an alternative market for our milk.

We have had a shortage of employees this year and are grateful for friends, both old and new, who have helped us along while we hire new team members.  Thanks, friends!

The dairy industry as a whole is still challenging, but we see some light on the horizon.  We continue to strive to be efficient and manage our cash flow as best as we can. We simplify as much as we can in all areas of our lives and we find that brings us additional peace as well. While it seems to be one challenge after another, we have made it through every tough day so far. Thanks be to God!

We've spent the last few weeks finishing up hay.  We will have one more cutting of oats to harvest yet, along with hauling out the compost barn in preparation for winter.

We had the hoof trimmer out for about 50 cows.

We remembered to cut "the hill" this cutting....an ongoing joke. Here, Dad takes over in the tractor while I go home to swap out kids so they get equal tractor time :).

Just like old times! Except the cab was a bit more crowded than I remember! Mowed a few rounds of sorghum with Dad while we set up the discbine for the crop.

We ran into a few rocks. Fortunately Rick had the parts we needed in the shop. It's bittersweet to see his handwriting on some things, sometimes it takes my breath away. But on this day I said out loud "thank you Rick!" He had all but one nut and a special bolt that we needed to make the repairs. 

You save old knives for Sorghum Sudangrass. Just remember that!

The neighbor had an  awesome crop, though. I only had to change out one knife in this field. I'm excited to see what their yield is.

Funny how towards the end of the season, when a sensor goes bad, you are more willing to run the wrapper manually then stop and take the time to fix it. I should write this needed repair down before next year....

Ha! I got this load all the way home without losing a bale. Lets just say the other people who have hauled for me this summer have not been so successful! A little farm banter helps us enjoy our work a little bit more.

As far as a little inspiration for the day, I would like to remind you that if you don't build your own dream, someone will hire you to build theirs. You will never always be motivated, so you must learn to be disciplined. We're learning a lot around here!

The Trip by the Numbers.

As promised in my previous post, I am going to share with you a few details from our trip. Remember friends, a trip is what you take with kids in tow, a vacation is what you reap in......retirement.

I don't share these things to boast that we got a break from home, but hopefully to help others be able to get a break as well.

This year the kids and I went back to Flint, Texas. We spent one week here after Rick left and in that fog completely missed everything that East Texas has to offer. This time around we were able to enjoy the educational opportunities, the history of the area, and the locals at the church we attended and the resort.

Being just the kids and I, none of which can drive yet, I opted for the two day trip down and back, and we spent about two weeks at the villages.  You can learn more about how I find these arrangements in a previous post:You CAN afford a vacation!

One of the reasons I enjoy homeschooling is that we can go on our schedule. It is rewarding to read and study our country's history, then go see the sites in person.

While we had a great time and some growth as a family, it wasn't as relaxing as some envision. The issues with the dairy industry followed us there, along with odds and ends- like the car I had at the mechanics and a few farm issues.  As you picture us basking in the sun, edit that to keeping 5 kids busy during endless days of rain and a lot of cooking, cleaning, laundry and lunch packing.

The kids enjoyed themselves and all the activities that the resort has to offer. We did a lot of hiking and walking of the grounds, card playing and HGTV watching.I can honestly say I have played enough mini golf to last me a few years now. Maybe more.

I tried to do this trip as frugal as I could. I paid for the condo last year. We were given a gift card for eating out at Christmas, which we used for travel down and back, and one time of eating out per week. I packed lunches for the other days if we were not at the condo over lunchtime. The kids paid for their own activities, and we found many free attractions.  Two of my girlfriends gave me a gift card for coffee (thank you!), and also helped with snacks.  Fuel costs could have been better with anything but a F350 passenger van, however there are not many more vehicles that can fit all 6 of us AND our stuff, that would get better than our average of 13.8 mpg.

Below is a snapshot of our costs. Actual out of pocket costs for this trip were about $2,100.00., with most of the lodging paid for in advance. At the end of the day what I gathered from this spreadsheet is that I need to save about $25/person/day of "vacation" that we wish to take.

On the last day there was sun and humidity before the next set of storms rolled in. I was able to sit on the porch with a cup of coffee and watch the kids play in our mostly deserted unit parking lot. The kids played in the pool, we packed most everything up, ate at a place called The Purple Pig, and talked of what they missed from home. I sat on the back deck for the first time that last night.

I can see why other #solomoms wouldn't do these things. It's exhausting. It's hard to watch everyone. In fact, we had to pull #5 out from under water, not once, but twice. He's fine. But there was no swimming on the way home. That was enough of that!

If there was a year to not spend money on a trip, it is this one. But just like most of you get two days per week away from your workplace, we need that time away as well. It's the price of sanity. It's also my effort to do everything that I can to give these kids somewhat of a normal life.  To give them exposure to different cultures, different areas of the US, to stand on ground that was once a POW camp and see what big city life entails. They are still shortchanged in a few areas, but they will not be able to honestly say that I didn't give it my best.

A few snapshots of our trip.....

The "Why" of Seasonal Calving...Even Now

Today we "dried up the cows".

Kid #3 got up bright and early at 4am to help this year! She was in charge of grouping the treatment and teat sealant.

The whole team helped out.  We missed you Felicia and Sam!

At dry off, we milk on one side of the parlor, then prepare each cow for her time spent not milking, while she finalizes growing that calf that we look forward to in the Spring.

Per tradition, we enjoy breakfast together after wards.

Being a "seasonal" producer simply means that our cow's reproduction cycles are all on the same schedule. Instead of calving the same number of cows each month, year around, we have them all on the same schedule, as close together as feasible. In April (most of them) will have their calf.  In July, we will put the bulls in for "breeding season".  Late January or mid February the cows will naturally decrease in milk production, so we "dry them off".  We take 6-8 weeks for parlor maintenance and calving prep, then we do it all over again.

Why you ask?

1.  On a pasture based system, it is common sense to have your cow's peak production time (shortly after calving) line up with the pasture's peak production. Peak grass for peak production.

2.  On a pasture based system, the most expensive time to feed a cow is in the winter.  If you have cows entering into their peak production phase during winter, you also need to meet her needs with high quality feed.  It is less expensive to spend 6-8 weeks providing only dry cow quality hay, and a mineral supplement, instead of milk cow quality hay and grain.

3.  We can manage the herd as one group, all year long.  The only time this differs is during April, May, and the first part of June, when we keep the dry cows separate from the milk cows.

4.  We are not raising calves over the winter.

5.  We get a break from milking and can focus on other aspects of the farm.

But...
What about the milk checks?

Its no secret the status of the dairy industry right now.  If you're a farmer, every other post in your social media news feed is about the price, the problem, the politics, and the people of dairy.

We operate more like a cash crop producer, except we receive income over a longer period of time throughout the year. We have to prepare ahead of time for when the checks don't come.  In normal years, we are able to put enough into our savings account to cover the costs when we are "dry".

It needs to be noted that our expenses are considerably less during this time. We are not running vacuum pumps, tank compressors, lights, etc.  We are not buying cow grain, parlor supplies....

Starting last June, after my trip from New Zealand, we began a very strategic plan of attack for how we were going to deal with the STILL low prices, in preparation for this year.

1.  We got around to selling things we had replaced. Two tractors and a PTO generator.

2.  When it quit raining in July, we supplemented the cows with hay in the pasture, so we wouldn't be spending fuel and time hauling manure from the barn.

3.  We hauled out the pit immediately following the cows.  This way, we had about 20 days of regrowth when we rotated back around, helping reduce how much extra hay we had to feed.

4.  We patched every little hole in the feed trough to reduce grain waste in the parlor.

5.  When we got rain and warm weather in October, and the pasture started to come back, we ran a poly wire off of the home farm onto the rental farm, and took the milk cows down there to graze. They are able to eat more tonnage of forage than we can harvest by machine. And all it cost us was the time spent "babysitting the cows".

6.  We checked the cows for pregnancy in early November instead of the next January. We sold our 8 open cows as soon as we could, so they didn't eat expensive feed and take up barn space when we knew they were not going to have a calf.

7.  We very carefully ordered feed and supplies so we would run the grain bins completely out right before we dried the cows off.  We also ran out of the winter teat dip one milking prior!

8.  We milked into February instead of drying off on January 31st, like the past two seasons.  This will give us a (very small) check in March.

9.  We did not replace or hire anyone additional to fill in for the employees that went back to school or on leave, or quit.  We each just picked up a few more afternoon milkings per week.

10.  We are continuing to look into niche markets, such as expanding the grass fed beef.

None of these are the "magic bullet".  But I do think it helps to be as proactive as we possibly can, and keep an open mind.  Look at things differently.  I have, and will, invest personal money into the business this year if needed, but I hope that later this year things turn around, and in the long run, pay myself back.  I do believe farming is a business and needs to be operated that way.

So now that the cows are dry......

One of our list of tasks to be completed.

The kids and I will take a break away from the farm at some point.  Another aspect of the industry right now is the stress level.  Yes, the co-ops are sending out suicide prevention letters with the milk checks.  That is not a rumor.  One of the downfalls of living where you work is never really being completely "off". Unless you're at a meeting. Does that count as having a day "off"? This break helps us rejuvenate, renew, relax and refocus.  The farm is only as healthy as I am.  And if you know anything about our story you know how important it is that I stay healthy.  A side note-other ways I manage this aspect are taking supplements of D3, Biotin, Turmeric, Emergen C, and a multi-vitamin. I try to exercise when I can, although the past few months have been challenging. I talk to trusted friends and they help me hammer out ideas. And they do a lot of listening!

How can we afford to take a break away from the farm at this point?  How can we not?

Next, I will share with you how we managed to get away. Stay warm, friends.

Before You Jump Ship

...read this.

I have pondered on whether I share this or not for a few days now.  Whether it was too personal or not. Whether it would make a difference or not.

Suicide prevention has not been my soap box. Nor will it be. Our situation was not the status quo "Rick was depressed, he committed suicide." Depression may have been a contributing factor but that was not the mold for him.

#5. #5 needed some extra attention. As much as I detest fender riding and children not properly sitting on a "buddy" seat, I sat him on the original buddy seat (my lap), strapped him in with me in the skid loader and fed the cows.

Later that evening after supper was cleaned up, he walked into the kitchen, whimpering. He is almost 5. He was 3 when Rick left. #5 is improving on his speech but I am laying it out exactly as he said it.

#5:  Me sad. Pick me up. (Crying)
Me: Why are you sad?
#5:  Us dad died. Me miss us dad.
Me: We all miss Daddy. Daddy is with Jesus          now.
#5:  Us dad move back into your room.
Me: Daddy is with Jesus. He is not coming
        back. (#5 sobbing hard)
#5:  Me miss Dad!........

I held him close. #3 went and got his favorite monkey. Then laid on the couch with him while I got the snack ready. Anything else that was planned for the evening was now set aside.

People say the little boys probably won't remember. Maybe as they get older some things will fade over time. Take my word for it, that is an awful amount of pain for such a small body to feel. This is the first I have seen him cry like that concerning Rick.

The kids tend to only remember the good things, and that is ok.  It may be selective subconsciously on their part, and occasionally I have to remind them of his illness.

This is where most articles go into preaching mode. The best line to end with would have been "It's not about you.". Ending just your pain, creating lifelong challenges for others. However that is not entirely true either.  You need to take care of yourself so you can care for others.

Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last.

Until you get to that breaking point then it's

Breathe
Relax
Escape (for a little bit )
Ask ....for help with kids, errands, etc.
Kneel.