Before You Jump Ship

...read this.

I have pondered on whether I share this or not for a few days now.  Whether it was too personal or not. Whether it would make a difference or not.

Suicide prevention has not been my soap box. Nor will it be. Our situation was not the status quo "Rick was depressed, he committed suicide." Depression may have been a contributing factor but that was not the mold for him.

#5. #5 needed some extra attention. As much as I detest fender riding and children not properly sitting on a "buddy" seat, I sat him on the original buddy seat (my lap), strapped him in with me in the skid loader and fed the cows.

Later that evening after supper was cleaned up, he walked into the kitchen, whimpering. He is almost 5. He was 3 when Rick left. #5 is improving on his speech but I am laying it out exactly as he said it.

#5:  Me sad. Pick me up. (Crying)
Me: Why are you sad?
#5:  Us dad died. Me miss us dad.
Me: We all miss Daddy. Daddy is with Jesus          now.
#5:  Us dad move back into your room.
Me: Daddy is with Jesus. He is not coming
        back. (#5 sobbing hard)
#5:  Me miss Dad!........

I held him close. #3 went and got his favorite monkey. Then laid on the couch with him while I got the snack ready. Anything else that was planned for the evening was now set aside.

People say the little boys probably won't remember. Maybe as they get older some things will fade over time. Take my word for it, that is an awful amount of pain for such a small body to feel. This is the first I have seen him cry like that concerning Rick.

The kids tend to only remember the good things, and that is ok.  It may be selective subconsciously on their part, and occasionally I have to remind them of his illness.

This is where most articles go into preaching mode. The best line to end with would have been "It's not about you.". Ending just your pain, creating lifelong challenges for others. However that is not entirely true either.  You need to take care of yourself so you can care for others.

Jesus first
Others second
Yourself last.

Until you get to that breaking point then it's

Breathe
Relax
Escape (for a little bit )
Ask ....for help with kids, errands, etc.
Kneel.

Where Did the Time Go.....

Hello Readers!

Yes, we are still here. Yes it's been awhile! 'Tis the farm and family life.  In the past couple of months we finished calving, welcomed new employees, made hay,  I experienced an awesome trip to New Zealand, started breeding season, made more hay, went to the county fair...and so it goes.

This past weekend the older boys and I went back to "Pulltown"!  The national tractor pulling championships in Bowling Green Ohio have been a part of our family for about 10 years now.  Rick would go each year and we would take turns going with him. We took last year off, and this year I took both older boys for what I believe to be the best time ever!

One of the most appreciated aspects of the two days we attend the pull is the people.  Here are our "regulars"

On my right, your left, is Jack. Jack has been here for a very long time. Jack reassures that there won't ever be anybody that sits to my right since he claims those seats for leg room. Jack's claim to a good life is that at 78 years young he has never drank an ounce of alcohol or smoked a cigarette.  Jack is like the family patriarch at the tractor pulls for our little section there.

On my left, or your right, is Jonathan. Jonathan is another staple to our little section. Although he is an avid John Deere fan, we enjoy his laughter, his stories and talking about farming with him. During this year's pull he helped me locate some hay for sale for next winter. Jonathan is great at keeping up with the basics of what we have going on with the farm and the kids. Although we missed last year, the minute we rounded the corner in front of the bleachers he waved and pointed to the seats in front of him, where we sit. He knew right away who we were and the smile on his face was the most welcoming thing we had seen that day.

Right above kid #1's right shoulder, is a gentleman in a grey shirt. He joined our group in 2015 but his seats were relocated a little bit too far away for our liking, LOL. We miss having him and his wife a little closer. They farm in Virginia, crops and beef cattle, and we enjoy getting caught up with them at the pull.

This year we had some new folks sit in front of us. They were a lot of fun. We enjoyed getting to know them and having milk shakes from the 4H stand (which apparently is a thing for my family. Story here, for another time.....), french fries, and lots of banter about red and green tractors. The great thing about this little group that we sit with every year is that they feel like family. It's a ton of clean fun.

Biggby at Bowling Green! 

Only at Bowling Green....I asked if they got a bulk discount. Explosive laughter!

One of our favorite semi trucks 

When it's 90 degrees and very humid out and you only pack just enough shirts, you end up at TSC nailing down this bargain at $3.19! Less than the sticker price!  I am sure our seat mates appreciated the change! 

One of our favorite pullers

The time with the older boys was well spent. They are witty, fun, relaxed, and easy to travel with.  It was fun to hear the other guys ask THEM about the teams, the tractors, and to hear how much the boys actually know,  and how well they carry conversations with adults.  I was grateful to be able to provide them an opportunity to do something they enjoy without the littles, and to give them a break from home. Thank you to Carol, Mom, Dad, Cheryl and Kelly (and anyone else that I was not made aware of) for helping with the littles while we were gone. And of course, the team members for taking care of things at the farm.

While we were gone, I read this devotion:

...I want you to enjoy not only My Presence but also My Peace. I came into your world to guide your feet into the way of Peace. When you are anxious or fearful, it is as if you are doubting My promises to supply all you need. My followers tend to think of worry as natural, even inevitable. At worst, they consider it their personal problem or quirk-harming no one but themselves. But the truth is, your tendency to be anxious grieves Me. Awareness of My pain can help motivate you to break free from this hurtful habit. Seek to bring Me Joy by walking trustingly with Me along the path of Peace.
Philippians 4:19  And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

I thought about this all weekend.  Sometimes I think we relate "don't worry about it" with "don't think about it". The truth of the matter is, there are things we have to deal with. There are phone calls that have to be made, people that have to be lined up to work, issues that need to be dealt with. Often we cannot just put them aside and not deal with them in order to not "worry" about them. What a fine line it is to make that call or decision and then immediately give the results over to Jesus and stop worrying (or letting it fester within you) about it.  There have been a lot of decisions lately where tough calls had to be made. There are also millions of dead squirrels due to indecisiveness. Don't be a dead squirrel. But once you cross the road, don't fester about whether you picked the right tree. Trust that Jesus will provide what you need. This is obviously just my take on it. I have a lot of work to do here.

Until next time friends-

Confessions From the Parlor Pit....

...it's not always sunshine and roses here. Surprised? I didn't think so....but just in case you should know we're merely real farmers of Pewamo who are faced with real struggles of the dairy industry on a daily basis.  This past week was no exception!  Check out the #fridayfive!

It started out awesome.....

The dishwasher broke. Apparently it had been leaking for a long time underneath, resulting in a wet moldy sub floor.  My brother and sister in law, and her dad, did this project in 24 hrs.  It's an incredible addition to my kitchen.  A dishwasher that works; an extra sink; the counter space we had always planned on but never finished.  For a family of 6 with 7 in the house often (nanny, grandma, etc.), the dishwasher is a great tool to have.  The simple things in life we take for granted......

Monday I was reminded that it was Rebecca's birthday. You know, the American Girl doll?  What? You didn't remember either?  After lunch I arranged the help so I could drive into town....and because NOBODY drives 14 miles for a clearance cake for a doll, I also arranged a quick lunch with a great friend, then happen to pick up a cake at the store. To me that sounds much more frugal than making a special trip just for a clearance cake for a doll who somehow has got her name on the birthday calendar.  Later that day, when they realized what I had done, kid #1 says "wow Mom, it sure took you a long time to pick up that cake." Ha!

We are training first calf heifers to the milking parlor. For the most part, they are doing great.  They are very calm, docile and healthy (thank you Mom and Dad for helping to raise them at the heifer ranch).  However....sometimes they do not index correctly in the parlor. Or they try to pass the other cows. Most of the time they correct it themselves.  Not this time.  So, while I supported the heifer to keep her from rolling into the pit, Our newest team member followed carefully detailed directions from me perfectly, and closed the entry gate, switched the gates outside to direct cows into the holding pen, opened the exit gate, which let the un-milked cows go back into the holding pen. Then I was able to put her leg back onto the platform, where she promptly got up and walked out as if nothing ever happened. Then we simply "try again". It went as it should the second time around for that side.

Whenever I can get time I work on the fence.  I got all the way around the perimeter fence, and am now putting up the rest of the poly tapes, which divide the paddocks. We have got a lot of rain. That is probably an understatement.  If anything, this is God helping me not feel so bad about not having the cows out on pasture on time. It's too wet.

However, we are all ready for the grazing season.  Sometimes there are things on the list that when you don't get to them in time, they make themselves a priority. This was one of those items.  The gates that keep the cows from getting out were very attractive scratching posts for the cows exiting the parlor.  So much so that one cow broke a top board (wood gates), then knocked it off....then jumped over it.  Cows who know the luxury of green grass have incredibly fast reaction times!  However, so do the kids.  While milking I thought "I think I hear something....." Then the team member and I saw the rear end of a cow clear the downed gate with no problem what so ever. The older set of boys were holding them from going out the drive (while yelling for me).  After we got them back and a different gate in place, he says "lots of learning opportunities this week!"

There are lots of learning opportunities every week.  I told him that I appreciated him seeing it that way.  All we can do is our best-so we simply look at what we should have done differently and "try again".  Those things that happen as a result of me or the team members not completing other tasks, we have to either learn to prioritize better, work harder, or let go.  We are good at prioritizing. It has always been feed, water, shelter/care of the animals first, then projects/extras after that.  We have worked hard.  My payroll proves that. So we (I. I need to do this better) need to let these other things roll off our back a little faster.  Given the circumstances of the weather, the amount of help we have, and other factors within the industry, we (I) can only get so much done in a day.  Sure, I could have forgone that very rare lunch with the friend and the cake for Rebecca, but sanity is also important. And the bible is pretty clear that God and people come first.

We're just people.  We try our best. We screw it up. We try again. The only REAL problem is when you quit trying.  Many thanks to those who continue to encourage me (us).

"Everything's Bigger In Texas"

....Trucks. Hats. Sam Houston Statues. Fevers.

Hello Friends!

As usual, we took our annual vacation after we dried the cows up.  This is very precious time for us.  Living where you work creates special challenges. Sometimes to truly be "off" you also have to be "absent".  One of our favorite benefits of seasonal dairying is having the opportunity to get away together. All of us. For more than 2 or 3 nights.

Last year we went to Texas too.  Less than a month after our farmer left I drove the kids south over 2 days. That was pivotal. That was God showing us/them that we could do it. There was still life and adventure out there.  And sun, and warmth......it's still there!

For the first time ever, we vacationed in the same state, just a different area.  Don't be surprised if we go back next year.

It wouldn't be a trip without a stop at Lambert's Cafe....

Home of the "throwed roll".  Oh to correct the bread throwing after you leave here!  We stayed in Little Rock after this, unknowingly right next to a TSC.  As the kids and I walked across the parking lot at night, then back again with our clearance treasures,  we laughed.  They thought walking to TSC was "the best thing ever".

We visited a local church, celebrated the super bowl in house (40 minutes north of the actual event), and took a ferry to the USS Texas.  The battleship visit corresponded to Kid #1's history unit.  While this was unplanned, it reminded me how thankful I am that we get to visit the places the kids study about. History comes to life.

At this point one of the kids started to not feel well. Like every good parent I assumed it to be travel related, gave the appropriate medicine, and announced to the kids that we were going to tour the Anheuser Busch plant.  Because lots of things are fermented.  The kids took this tour head on, answered all the crop questions correctly, asked 5 questions the tour guide couldn't answer, and really made Marcus, our guide, earn his tip. He was great!  If the kids start growing hops it's not because we are avid drinkers but because they can do math and the milk market right now is not that great......Marcus also said we needed to eat at What-A-Burger.  This also happens to be the chain that Lane Frost (pro bull rider) took his future wife Kelly for dinner in the movie 8 seconds....(useless information).

One of our favorite activities was joining the local home school group at the Rosenberg Railroad Museum for a class on the transcontinental railroad.  The kids participated in the one hour class with other local homeschoolers, then we looked at the rail yard.  Their fellow classmates for the day were also 4Hers.  I can truly say, we felt like family.  It was a great break from the noise and congestion of north Houston.  Thank you so much Rosenberg friends!

Then this happened.  All 5 kids were sick over a period of 1.5 weeks, up to 4 of them at one time. I was very grateful it was just high fevers, headaches, body aches, and the like.  Not much to clean up there if you know what I mean!  However, we had a pause in all of the activity, and took turns staying with the sick kids.  This made the nights short too, as I had to get up and check them and administer medicine.  Vacations aren't suppose to be relaxing anyway, right? It did give us time to do a little shopping:

I tried to get Dad to go home with that car but it's still at the Ford dealership.  However, we were blessed to find one of two vehicles that I am in need of.  In true Dave Ramsey style we not only walked away, but drove away from this Ford Explorer when the seller wouldn't accept my offer. He called us back!  My brother and his father in law had come down on the train and they drove it back to Michigan for me.  One down....one to go.  And yes....I bought them lunch at What-A-Burger. (also paid for their travel expenses, don't worry).

As the kids started to feel better we made one last educational side trip to Waco, visiting the Silos at Magnolia, and the Texas Ranger Museum.

On the way home we burned off some energy at a trampoline park...(how much is a parent willing to pay to tire kids out before you put them in a hotel room? A lot. The answer is A LOT.).

 

 

As we left Little Rock on the way home, we seen the Wix Filter truck. One of the kids said "Hey Mom! If we go back in and talk to him we can deduct the whole trip!"  That's my boy!



We are full speed ahead into prepping for calving season and dealership open houses home school field trips.

Until next time, Texas.

Jan-u-weary

The beginning of the month blew in with exceptionally cold temps, causing some challenges with the equipment on the farm. Even when plugged in the 806 decided it wasn't working for a few days. We improvised and went to our back up plan, lining up bales and forking out hay. It's important to keep an open mind and know how to get things done when you're thrown a curve ball. We always take care of "first things first". Food. Water. Cows milked.

We had our annual herd check on the 6th. It was fun to catch up with the vet that started his career the same year we did. We had a great year, only 2 open cows. We are thankful!

We got to use the new pit pump. This was very important as the old pto pump broke as we removed it from the pit the last time we used it.

I couldn't resist this picture....the sun came out!

The educational opportunity I received this month was when one of the chop gates broke in the parlor. This part here is called a pillow block.....

Leroy showed me how to change them out. I hope next time to be able to do it myself. Thanks again friends!

January was challenging. We were short help but the team all gave a little extra and we got it done.

I didn't get this picture rotated correctly.  We marked a year without our farmer on the 20th. When I found this in kid #3's school work....it gave me pause. The two older kids remembered the day, the littles did not. This one remembers details some, but hasn't marked the time like the older kids and I.  Seeing your reality in picture is...no words here. However I am a bit surprised their aunt and uncle and the neighbors 7 miles to the south weren't in it :). We spent the day with family and close friends. Thank you ~

Kid #1 said "I'm going to get one more bale."
No....no you're not. Welcome January thaw.

Dry off 2017
We had some good laughs as we finished out the season, then in tradition we enjoyed breakfast together. Thanks team!

I will be the first to admit it. I often lose hope. When one thing after another breaks, when we are short help, when there is yet another negative producer price differential, and on and on and on....I get discouraged. I often see all that needs done instead of all that has gotten done. This picture reminds us once again, each day, each season, each year is new and filled with hope.

Ephesians 3:20
Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power of work within us, to accomplish infinity more than we might ask or think.