Early this morning, for some unknown reason, I stumbled across an old post by a blogger, The Farmer's Wifee. Here's the link: Nov 14, 2019 . To save you time, it's about not receiving the same amount of respect as the farmer (presumably male) due to women identifying as a farmer's wife instead of simply a farmer.

I was once a farmer un-married. Then I was a married farmer. I am now an un-married farmer, again. I have experienced title discrimination from different phases and times of my entire life.

At one time, when the world was not so disconnected from their friends in agriculture, they KNEW what the title of "farm wife" involved. They KNEW what she was doing, what her roles were, and all that was involved. Unfortunately we no longer live in this era. The title "farm wife" means just that. You're married to a farmer. Naturally when people un-familiar to ag see this, they think the farmer is the go-to person. Not the farmer's wife.

Consider this non-ag example:

A couple, who are both licensed therapists, opens a practice together. You seek guidance at their practice and have your choice of who to speak to. If one of them calls themselves "the therapist's wife" instead of "therapist", who are you going to assume is more skilled, appropriately trained, and educated? Even though they both have credentials, education, ongoing training and experience, she discounts her credibility by identifying as the "the therapist's wife". It's the same with farming. Of all my married friends, the farmers are the only ones who will introduce themselves as a "farm wife". If you have copious amounts of time, I believe I have another post about this, either here or on the FB page. It is not anti-women. It is not anti-wife. It is in fact, just the opposite. It is about first RESPECTING yourself by putting yourself on the same level as our male counterparts and referring to yourself as a "farmer". You are a FARMER. If you happen to marry one as well, that's great too!

But just like someone walking into a couple's therapist office, they are going to use the titles to decide who they deal with. Who they believe knows the most. As farmers, we're dealing with a completely different culture than we did in our formative years. If you are going to title yourself as a "farm wife", you will be treated as such.

Speaking of formative years:

In my early days as a farmer, being young AND female, being respected was an issue. At both my parents farm and my internship farms, my employer would often have to circle back in my defense, when businesses we worked with would not respect my requests or direction. At the local FSA office, they would not even give me an application for a beginning farmer loan (illegal, by the way). That particular loan officer said "grazing doesn't work. By the way, you're female, you'll never make it.".

Well, we all know how that turned out.

In my married years, I was first mistaken as the hired help. People would drive into the yard and ask "where's the boss?". I would then ask what I could help them with, knowing at that very moment it was a no-sale, but I thought I should still be respectful and hear them out. NOW, if that happens I just say "not here right now, but I'll let them know that you stopped." and I save myself the time of their sales pitch. 😀 If they assume that I'm not the boss or manager, I assume they don't need our money.

Now, in my later days as an un-married female farmer with quite a few more grey hairs, I don't run into the former issues quite as often, but rather a new set of barriers to navigate. First, the lack of belonging. If you are a female and a farmer, yet not married, you don't really fit in with the Farm Wife Club. You don't get invited to the shopping days, the retreats, and when you do and decide to try it out, you find yourself with nothing to say or contribute, due to not having a husband to complain (and eventually praise) about. You're not real crafty and order pizza FAR more times for field meals than the others, which really limits your ability to carry the conversation on recipes. So you find yourself among the farmer group, in which you learn to disregard the occasion inappropriate comment and/or degrading remark and talk "farm". But you have to be real careful here, as well, because being not married, you can also be viewed as a threat from their wives' point of view. It's a very tricky road to navigate, folks.

There is a whole group of young, middle age, and older un-married female farmers doing what they love, essentially....by themselves.

Which brings me to the "why" of this LONG post. 

In the barn today, after re-reading that post, I read that it was National Women's Equality Day.  You can imagine (maybe you can't) how this could get me fired up. As we milked and I felt that flame start to burn, I thought....oh boy....here we go. Ha. Ha. Ha. 

Please join me on my soap box. I can argue both sides.

When I was younger, the discrimination was very discouraging, and I do believe I (and other women) had to work harder than my male counterparts to gain other's respect, especially when it comes to farming. It was harder to get funding. It was harder to be heard. It [discrimination] did exist and probably still does today, to a degree.

On the other hand,

Women cannot cry for equal pay if they are not willing or able to do equal work. I could make more money if I did some of the things I hire out. I choose not to.

Women cannot cry for equality if they don't respect themselves the same to start with. You cannot call yourself a farm wife, then complain when you're not treated the same as the one who calls themselves the farmer.

I believe some women don't realize all that they are asking for when they scream for equality. Do they really want to carry the burdens that many men carry? The responsibilities? I am carrying them now. Sometimes I love it, sometimes not so much. If you want to earn the living of those cleaning out the sewer, well then, you need to jump in there and get it done. And not expect recognition or gratitude for it.

Life is not fair. It never will be. Just do the best you can with what you know, where you are, what you got, and stop selling yourself short. We can do that EVERY DAY.